While everyone's parsing the details of the collapsing markets, mulling over the multiple choice options to save drowning companies and otherwise pondering the whys and wherefores of the global shitstorm that has galloped onto the scene (with Sarah Palin in the saddle. I just can't quit her.) heralding the Neo-Con...

At one point it seemed almost anyone would have been an improvement over King George, that is until the spectacle of McCain-Palin swept across our glazed eyes and we realized what folly that kind of thinking was.

And since the office of president has been so gutted by its...

Joe the Plumber Finally Gets License, Fixes William Ayers' Lint Trap

Michelle Bachmann Loses Seat, Stars in Local High School Production of The Crucible, Is Actually Pretty Damn Good

National I.Q. Soars Since Election of 44th President; Even Former President Bush Realizes What a Dumbass He Was

Former Governor Palin...

And in the end it seemed almost easy.

The obstacles fell away like scales from our eyes and the truth in all its complexity was laid bare. We still saw the chasm between the ideologies, the stark difference in personality and temperament; we heard boos in Arizona and cheers...

How you doin'? I'm _______ the _______.

You may have heard the candidates mentioning Joe the Plumber on their various stumps, making that guy a household word and whatever. A hero to some and an instant punch line to others. Sure, he's lost his privacy and whatever integrity he...

George Bush. I feel bad for the old putz.

He seems so alone lately. There's no one to laugh at his jokes, no one to shudder at his warnings. He's rarely in the news and when he is he's immediately pre-empted by that upstart sour-tart from Wasilla (the Crawford...

What must the gods who make all things happen know that we mortals do not?

Seriously.

How could a guy like John McCain renounce all that defined him as a viable (but still extremely flawed) candidate? Under what circumstances would this war hero/torture victim/malcontent turn into a flailing,...

Between Michelle Bachmann channeling Joe McCarthy, Jean "Cowards Cut and Run" Schmidt, and the reigning Queen of Spleen Sarah Palin rounding out the lengthy list of Ladies From Hades, you've got to hand it to the Republican machine: they are equal opportunity hate pimps.

Leaving little distinction between themselves...

In what is clearly the penultimate phase of operations, the McCain campaign (with Commander Rove issuing a steady flow of marching orders) has fully unleashed their elite unit of grinning Stepford MILFs into the mainstream media and thus straight in through the open pie-holes of the country's most pliable demographic...

Who wrote John McCain's speech at the Al Smith dinner? Because whoever did should have been behind the senator's campaign from the beginning, for it contained all the intelligence, humor, class and appeal he has so glaringly abrogated in his progressively ugly pursuit of the presidency.

In listening to...

Who do you like next month? George Bailey or Mister Potter?

Bedford Falls was a lovely place, to be sure. The town and its people were humble, decent and basic, inclusive and thoughtful Americans who banded together to help one another through bad times and celebrated with reasonable abandon...

By allowing the seething minority of hate-filled sociopaths to vent their anti-Obama fury via constantly televised exposure, the media itself is poised for a plummet not unlike the tumbling economy and the people's collective distrust in its now comically corrupt government.

Violent, froth-flecked outbursts are the media's latest fetish...

To the children of same-sex parents: You Are Bad.

Doesn't matter if you are happy, well-adjusted, well cared-for, educated or secure. Doesn't matter if your parents are hard working, tax paying, law abiding or nice.

Children brought up in loving, caring households are in effect being told as...

History and the wisdom it dispenses is a bulwark against tyranny. But presently, the knowing distraction from knowledge and history is preventing the wisdom they produce from being dispensed and thus we continue our march backward, almost like a ball having reached its apogee descending back through the same air...

Eye-raq. Eye-ran. Eye-am nauseous.

Eye see "Sarah in the Mornin'!"

Mike Huckabee is Fox's version of Regis. And now after last night's final audition, he's got his Kathie Lee in Sarah "Winky" Palin.

If ever there was a perky approximation of faux-MILF authority who could ably describe a wonky...

And next up, a clever skit we like to call The Biden-Palin Debate!

He's a crusty but benign, crafty but loquacious Washington vet who's seen his share of triumph and tragedy; she's the spunky Alaskan spark plug who's ignited the belch and buckshot crowd with her folksy, no-muss approach...

Wow! That was close. And we were almost saved, too. I wonder what's happening inside those hallowed chambers of wisdom and humility.

Psst. C'mere. Still laboring under the delusion that this country operates on the principles of Democracy? Repeat after me: Owa... ta-shmah... kyam. Now repeat that faster and faster....

So when do you finally call it what it is?

When is it safe to shout: "They're full of crap and they're doing it again!!!!"?

When you're in a soup line?

When people are standing on street corners selling genetically modified apples?

When the soon-to-be deployed domestic...

It's really happening.

Like a scenario from a high-tech political thriller with Orwellian overtones, the fleecing of America is occurring right in front of our disbelieving eyes. Through years of induced passivity and using the people's innate pride and loyalty against them, the infrastructure was put in place and...

And now the time is upon us once again, when we must act with humility and daring merely by exercising our right to vote and have that vote be counted. For, the election of a president is a ritual which requires the greatest care and consideration. It is not only...